I finally finished writing my speech for the Rosary for Life event at the Rhode Island State House.
For the two years since our son's birth, I have talked and written quite a bit about our experiences with a false positive prenatal screening result for Down syndrome (aka a blood test I took when pregnant with our son which told us he had a high "risk" of Down syndrome. He ended up not having Down syndrome but we spent almost six months in fear.) Now, for some reason, having put the words on paper that I will be speaking from in a public setting has brought back some real, raw and uncomfortable emotions that I thought were neatly tucked away in hopes that they would never be heard from again. While I don't think I will ever be fully healed from our experience, it radically changed my views on abortion. So for this event, I have used these emotions to (hopefully) convey the message that: 1. It is never okay to abort a baby because of Down syndrome. And 2. It is never okay to abort any baby. As humans, we all have moments of fear. Whether they are little fears, like I think I dropped my phone and shattered the screen or bigger fears, like there may be something wrong with my baby's health. Regardless of the magnitude of the fear, the bible tells us to not be afraid 365 times. In fact, God commands us to be not afraid, to never despair and to never lose hope. He doesn’t ask us, he commands us. The evil one wants us to stay in fear and act out of it. The evil one does not want us to face our fears. The evil one does not want us to use our fears, sorrows and obstacles to become stronger. While we were fearful for our son, his health and future, we clung to Saint Pope John Paul II’s words “do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song." Despite our fear, we chose life. For us, it was the only choice. When I was pregnant, I was afraid that if our son did have Down syndrome, that he may have serious health effects that sometimes come with Down syndrome; that he would live a difficult life; that others would treat him without love and compassion; that he would suffer. But each time I celebrated Mass and would look upon our Lord hanging from the Cross while our son was growing in my womb, I was reminded that it is not our choice to decide what cross we carry in this life. Even as parents, we can't decide what struggles our children will endure. The only thing that we can do is to support and love our children and do the best we can for them. Had we "chosen" to abort our son, we would not have taken his cross away from him. We would have killed him. How is that better? (Hint: it isn't.) Abortion drives the nails further and deeper in our Lord's hands and feet on the Cross. If we had aborted our son, it would be as if we were saying to God: "you don't know what you're doing. But we do." God knows what He is doing. God knows we are a fearful people. Look at St. Peter who started sinking in the water the moment he took his eyes off Jesus. (Matthew 14:22-33) Instead, we need to gain strength from our fears and crosses. In order to do this we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and not let the fears of this world, whether they are big or small, get in the way of our path and our children’s path to salvation. I pray that you will be able to join us at the Rhode Island State House. If you are unable to, would you please pray along with us? We will be praying the luminous mysteries of the Holy Rosary. You can learn how to pray the Rosary (or get a refresher) here. As always, thank you for reading. God bless you and may the Blessed Virgin Mary be with you always! If you haven’t connected with us on Facebook, please like and share our page. Thank you!
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“My faith fuel tank is full!” and other Takeaways from the 51st Annual Faith Formation Convocation3/18/2018
This event was hosted by the Office of Faith Formation of the Diocese of Providence, Rhode Island and was held on Saturday, March 17, 2018 at Bryant University. The event featured dynamic speakers, exhibits, all you can eat lunch, opportunity for Confession, Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. The day began with Mass celebrated by Bishop Thomas J. Tobin.
“My faith fuel tank is full!” That was the first thing that I excitedly blurted out the moment I left the Interfaith Center at Bryant University after the Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, also known as Adoration. It was the last part of the 51st Annual Diocesan Faith Formation Convocation and a perfect ending to a long (in a good way) and blessed day. I said this “fuel tank” comment to a woman who held the door open for me. She was a stranger (although I highly dislike that word) okay, she was someone that I never met before and didn’t even talk to at the convocation during the day. (As a hardcore introvert, this is something I would have NEVER done before.) “Me too!” She agreed, and we chatted until we reached the parking lot. God is so good! I am so thankful that I was able to attend the Diocese of Providence's 51st Annual Diocesan Convocation! It was “a day of learning and fellowship for all Catholic Men & Women and offered “multiple Catholic speakers on topics like Evangelization, Faith Formation, Elementary Catechesis, Youth Ministry, and Personal Spiritual Enrichment for those who wish to deepen their spiritual journey and love for the Catholic Faith.” After Mass with Bishop Thomas Tobin, I met up with my favorite (and only, but would still be my fav!) Godmother-in-law. Throughout the day, I saw many familiar faces and was blessed to meet new amazing and dynamic men and women of the Catholic faith. I have to say that best parts of the day, after the inspiring speakers at the sessions which I will get to in a bit, was being able to be with Jesus THREE times. However, I almost missed out on one opportunity to be with Jesus.
Totus Tuus
That opportunity was the Sacrament of Reconciliation aka Confession. As usual, I did not want to make my confession and even convinced myself that since there was only 10 minutes left until Confessions were over and since I had gone two weeks earlier, that I would just skip it that day. The funny thing is that Jesus Christ, also as usual, let me believe that I was going to feel okay with this conscience decision not to go to Him, but just for a little while. I should just realize the fact that with me, He always gets His way. As I was standing with the other ladies in our little (but awesome) group looking at Catholic goodies and talking with the vendors, I started to feel His presence. I was standing next to the stairs that would lead to where confessions were being heard. Great, I thought, here is that feeling again. Suddenly, I felt a pull, not physically but spiritually, like my soul was already walking up the stairs. In that moment, I had a choice. I could ignore it and pull my soul back down or I could follow my soul to Him, to the path to salvation. To the One that I call “My Lord and My Love.” Albeit a bit begrudgingly, I followed my soul to Him. The line was long (HURRAY! For people wanting to go to confession). I could have easily used the long line as an excuse to turn around and just go to the next session, but I waited. I took the time to make an examination of conscience and then when it was my turn, made my confession. Regardless of how many times I make confession, I am always extremely nervous and shake a bit in my hands and my words. By the way, telling the Priest that you’re nervous makes it much easier and I have never met a Priest ever that would make anyone feel badly about being nervous. Trust me. As much as I struggled to get the words out and could feel my face turn hot and red, all the words—all my sins came stumbling out of my mouth and into our Lord’s ears via the Priest-- in persona Christi. After I made my penance in the adjacent room, I was literally skipping to my next session, okay to the ladies’ room, but then to the next session. Thankfully, I was late and no one else was in the hallway. It felt so good- not only that I was “squeaky clean” as my favorite Godmother-in law says, but because now, my body which is a receptacle of Jesus, was pure for Him.
Gifts From the Holy Spirit
There were four sessions in which we were able to choose from an array of prayer and enrichment workshops. While it was difficult choosing which four workshops to attend, I was more than pleased with my decisions. I took away so much knowledge and so many tools from each session. I call them gifts from the Holy Spirit! In fact, I have already begun implementing some of these gifts in my personal and family's life and am extremely excited to start integrating them in this ministry! During each session, I was writing so fast in my notebook that I thought my hand would fall off. Each speaker was filled with the Holy Spirit and delivered powerful and inspiring lessons. It was such a blessing to be able to not only be surrounded by people who love the Lord, but to hear such powerful speakers who also love the Lord.
One Takeaway
I could spend hours talking about each speaker and could write several blogs on top of that. However, I will stick to sharing my favorite topic/quote/etc.. from each speaker. Session One: .Matt Fraud: God's Plan for Love in a Digital Age Speaker, podcaster, writer featured on Huffington Post and author of: The Porn Myth: Exposing the Reality Behind the Fantasy of Pornography (among other books). Matt delivered a hysterical, moving, informative and at-times frightening (but oh, so necessary) talk on the dangers of pornography and sex addiction, including how porn quite literally shrinks the brain and is proven by real research to be as addictive as drugs like cocaine. My takeaway: when it comes to children and pornography, do not be naïve. Matt advised that parents start the conversation early and let them know that there are bad and good images and videos out there. Pornography is bad images or videos that hurt our brains and can make us do or feel bad things. (There’s more tips you can find on his podcast: Love People Use Things.) Young children, teenagers and young adults need to know that they can come to parents with anything and that we will be supportive. They need to know: “there is nothing that you could do to make me love you less.” An exact phrase that I was told by my Priest during my first Sacrament of Reconciliation after three years of avoiding it. Click here to follow Matt Fraud on Facebook. Session Two: Mary Sellars Malloy: Our Family Prays: Fostering Prayer in the Home Senior Editor of RCL Benziger Publishing, LLC, a Roman Catholic book publishing house offering services and resources for Catholic Parishes and Schools. This session was focused on how to integrate prayer into regular, daily life by celebrating the rhythm of the Liturgical year at home. Since I am always trying to find new ways to pray both with my family as a mother to a young son and for this Catholic Mom Rhode Island ministry, I was very excited to participate in this session. Mary even sparked a new and fun idea for a project for Catholic Mom Rhode Island that I think our members will really love (among other ideas!) Stay tuned!! My takeaway: Whether our family takes a few minutes to discuss “where did we each encounter Jesus in our day” at the dinner table or if we are engaging in a longer prayer session either with the Holy Rosary or reciting the Litany of Loreto, there are so many opportunities to pray together every single day. The earlier that we, as parents, can plant the seed of regular prayer in our lives and into the life of our son (and I pray, future children) the more likely we all are to pray daily and turn to Him in times of sorrow and in times of celebration. Families, like mine, just need the words to pray. Session Three: Damon and Melanie Owens: The Family's Role in Evangelization Have you heard the phrase “Couple Goals?” Well, if you haven’t just hearing this couple talk will explain the phrase better than any words I can type on this journal. Damon Owens founded the teaching ministry, joytob, which is “dedicated to proclaiming the joy of being made in the image and likeness of God, male and female. Drawing on over twenty years of lectures, motivational speaking, writing, and TV/radio presentations, Damon joyfully acclaims the goodness, truth, and beauty of human sexuality and its deepest meaning fulfilled by men and women who freely choose motherhood and fatherhood through marriage or celibacy for the sake of Heaven.” This husband and wife power couple were exuding love for God, each other and their family throughout the entire talk and you couldn’t help but feel moved to go home, Praise God and then give your spouse and children a big hug and kisses. I almost forgot to mention that Damon and Melanie have eight beautiful children. Click here to follow joytob on Facebook. My takeaway: Surprisingly my major takeaway from their inspirational talk was not about marriage or children directly, but more towards evangelization. Damon said, “There is no one that is so far away from the Gospel that can’t come back to Jesus Christ,” he also said: “it isn’t our job to change their hearts but to bring them to God who will change their hearts.” Phew! That takes the pressure off a bit, doesn’t it? God will finish the work, we just have to start the work. To expand on that, Damon also said that the “desire to change can start the desire to desire to change.” Session Four: Dr. Angela Franks: Humanae Vitae @ 50: Church Teaching for the #MeToo Movement Dr. Franks is the Director of Theology Programs for the Theological Institute for the New Evangelization at St. John’s seminary in Massachusetts and author of several books including: Margaret Sanger's Eugenic Legacy, Contraception and Catholicism and Women, Sex, and the Church to name a few. Dr. Franks and her husband are the proud parents of five children. Dr. Franks session made me fall in love with Pope Paul VI's Humanae Vitae all over again and gain new knowledge that not only shocked me but validated many of my opinions on topics like premarital sex, cohabitation before marriage, birth control and abortion. My takeaway: My husband and I have been using Natural Family Planning (NFP) for almost a year. While we are newbies at NFP and still have a long way to go when it comes to learning about this authentic approach to family planning, I jump at the opportunity to learn about and hear from experts in NFP. You may have heard people call NFP “Catholic Birth Control.” Well, what I am about to share with you, that Dr. Franks shared with us, will help to dispel that myth. Action always beats intention. Example: Good Intention: Paying bills. Bad Action: Robbing a bank to pay bills. Good Intention: Paying bills. Good action: Getting a job to pay bills. Good Intention: Wanting to space out children. Bad Action: Birth Control. Good Intention: Wanting to space out children. Good action: NFP The intention of wanting to space out children can be a good intention, however the action of ingesting birth control, a group 1 carcinogen, is a bad action, whereas practicing Natural Family Planning is a good action. In fact, in according to the World Health Organization, birth control pills join the ranks of tobacco, asbestos, plutonium, and diesel exhaust as a group 1 carcinogen. In 2005, the WHO name birth control pills as “a known and probable cancer-causing agent to humans.” “Since the methods of NFP respect the love-giving (unitive) and life-giving (procreative) nature of the conjugal act, they support God's design for married love!” (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops) and have no side effects! Thank you, God!
Thank you!
Again, thank you, Edward, Michelle, Michael and the entire Office of Faith Formation at the Diocese of Providence. Thank you to the vendors, the speakers, the volunteers, the Priests, the sisters, the servers and everyone else involved in putting together such a blessed and inspiring day! I look forward to attending the convocation in years to come and pray that others who are reading this blog will join me as well. As always, thank you for reading. God bless you and may the Blessed Virgin Mary be with you always! If you haven’t connected with us on Facebook, please like and share our page. Thank you!
My Lenten promise for this year is to stop trying to be or make situations perfect. Instead, I vowed to try and look at myself and situations the way that Jesus would.
For my mother’s birthday, I decided to make her a chocolate cake. While it would have been much easier to just buy a cake from the grocery store, I thought it would be more thoughtful to make it from scratch. Okay, not scratch, but a box. Still, I would assemble the ingredients, bake and frost it myself. Of course, my toddler is my sidekick (more like, I’m his sidekick) and he has reached a stage in his toddlerhood where he insists “I DO!” at each turn. Knowing that baking a cake wouldn’t be an easy feat with an independent toddler in tow, I mentally prepared myself for the worst. I would not try to make a perfect cake or a perfect morning with my son. We would just have fun. I told myself that no matter how bad the cake turns out and regardless if the kitchen is destroyed afterwards, it will be a good memory for me and my little love.
As I was stirring in the oil, some splattered on my shirt. It was a t-shirt that I got from my husband on our honeymoon. At first, I was sad since this was my favorite t-shirt and somehow was one of the few that did not have any visible marks on it.
Usually, I would rush to change my shirt and pretreat the stain, cursing myself that I forgot to wear my apron. But before I reacted, I reminded myself of my Lenten promise.
Then, I thought of the stretch marks on my stomach.
I realized that if the stain did not come out (it didn’t), then it would always be a reminder of a fun morning where my son and I baked my mom a chocolate cake for her birthday. The stain on the t-shirt was just like the stretch marks I got from pregnancy. When I was pregnant, I was adamant that I would do everything in my power not to get stretch marks. Each day I would lather as much coca butter and creams all over my stomach as possible. Sometimes I would do it twice a day. But then, after my son was born, I saw two stretch marks next to my navel. Instead of being upset that my efforts failed me, they brought me joy. Those two marks showed me that I survived a very difficult time in my life where I often felt hopeless. They will forever remind me of the fact that God had broken the “old me” so that He could rebuild me- stronger, happier and more aware of my blessings.
How is your Lenten promise going? Please share with us on Facebook.
As always, thank you for reading. God bless you and may the Blessed Virgin Mary be with you always!
Mothers are caregivers. Day after day, we nurture, love, support and care for children, spouses and other family members, all while juggling household responsibilities, personal goals, friendships and for some, careers outside of the home (or in the home.)
Motherhood is a difficult and important vocation- if not the most difficult and the most important one. Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘it takes a village to raise a child’? I know I have. Throughout history, mothers have banded together, shared in each other’s ups and downs, supported each other at all stages in life and have depended on multi-generational family members and friends to share experience, guidance and wisdom.
Unfortunately, today, mothers are lacking such support. Many of us are not living close or even remotely close to family members or friends. Many of us are alone and going through life’s ups and downs alone. We have no one to lean on. We have no village.
When I first had my son, I felt great joy, love and happiness. But I also felt isolated and alone. When my husband went off to work in the mornings, it was just me and my son. For up to 10 hours, it was just me and him, all alone. At times, I had no idea what I was doing with him and I could only depend on online forums, desperate calls to my mother, who was at work and sometimes for the bigger issues, calls to the pediatrician’s office. There was no village for me to depend on. No community for me to turn to. Does this sound familiar to you? Along with other variables, I believe that this lack of a community attributed to my postpartum anxiety. While I treasure the time that I spent and continue to spend alone with him and I will surely miss it one day, I wish that I had a village to help me in those early, hard days. Still, now I wish that I had a village to help me and that I could help in return. Moms deserve and depend on this vital support in order to be the best versions of ourselves- in our vocations both in and out of the home. God intended us to get through life together. Growing up, I remember that we were always with people we loved and that loved us. Not a day went by that I didn’t get to spend quality time with people who did not live in my house: cousins, aunts, uncles, friends of the family and their children, neighbors, etc. Now, we usually only get to see friends and family members occasionally and very, very rarely each month. We’re all busy and many of my family members and friends have either passed away, moved or we’ve simply lost touch. As my son celebrated his first birthday and was surrounded by family members and friends, I realized that this what I was missing. This is what other moms were missing. This is what I SO desperately needed when he was a few weeks old. When I was petrified to go downstairs while holding him. When I had no idea why he was crying. When I had no one to cry to. I needed a village. All moms need a village. Catholic Mom Rhode Island is Born A few months after my son’s first birthday, I started to have visions of something focused on motherhood and more specifically, Catholic motherhood. They weren’t elaborate visions and were usually just passing moments in which ideas would randomly pop into my head. However, the visions and ideas themselves were not random and all focused on the idea of a community. The morning after I went to confession for the first time in three years I woke up and the first thing that popped into my head was “Catholic Mom Rhode Island.” I still believe that the Holy Spirit was willing me to come full circle and only allowed these visions and ideas to materialize once I had cleansed my soul through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. In the summer of 2017, I founded Catholic Mom Rhode Island. Catholic Mom Rhode Island is a community for Catholic mothers in Rhode Island to nurture, grow and support families and themselves through faith, hope and love. We are inspired by the original Catholic Mom, the Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of God. We are a group of Catholic moms that understand the need for a community, group, tribe, village, band, circle, club- whatever you want to call it- to support moms and our families. We meet once a month to fulfill this mission (italicized above) and to grow in our Catholic faith. I pray that you will join our community (or tribe or village or band….) at our next group. To find out when we meet next, please visit: catholicmomri.eventbrite.com Please help us grow this ministry for Catholic moms in Rhode Island by “liking” our Facebook page and inviting your mom friends to do the same by sharing it as well.
Pouring milk into a sippy cup, changing diapers, wiping tears, reading fairytales, playing with playdough, counting numbers, coloring with broken crayons and kissing my sweet love’s chubby cheeks as he passes out on me before naptime are not things that first came to mind when I used to hear the word “feminist”, “International Women’s Day” or anything of the sort.
But as with many things, God has certainly changed my viewpoint and boy am I glad He did.
“Necessary emphasis should be placed on the "genius of women", not only by considering great and famous women of the past or present, but also those ordinary women who reveal the gift of their womanhood by placing themselves at the service of others in their everyday lives.
For in giving themselves to others each day women fulfill their deepest vocation. Perhaps more than men, women acknowledge the person, because they see persons with their hearts. They see them independently of various ideological or political systems. They see others in their greatness and limitations; they try to go out to them and help them. In this way the basic plan of the Creator takes flesh in the history of humanity and there is constantly revealed, in the variety of vocations, that beauty-not merely physical, but above all spiritual-which God bestowed from the very beginning on all, and in a particular way on women.” Saint Pope John Paul II, (Letter to Women)
Oh Pope Saint John Paul II, how I love and miss you. This letter you wrote to women is so necessary not only today but literally forever. Today I am sharing this letter on what is known as International Women’s Day or Lady’s Day, for all women to read and treasure.
I would consider myself an ordinary women, what Saint Pope John Paul II is saying in Letter to Women is that being an ordinary women is not so ordinary in the eyes of God and of our Church.
Women are amazing, okay, not all women (Margaret Sanger, I’m looking at you) but many, many women are and have been amazing. I have been blessed with so many amazing women in my family- on both my mother’s and father’s sides.
Most of all, I have been blessed with an amazing mother. Sure, we sometimes get along with each other like oil and vinegar, but I think that is what makes the relationship so special. You see, if you pour us both in a bottle, add some spices and shake it up really fast, we make one amazing salad dressing! Now that I am a mother, I realize how tremendously difficult the job is. Especially for my mom, who was a single-mom. While motherhood can be stressful, scary, exhausting and many times I ask myself “what crazy person would willingly endure the insanity that comes along with being a mother?”, there is truly no vocation out there that is more rewarding than being a mother. Saint Pope John Paul II said it best: “Thank you, women who are mothers! You have sheltered human beings within yourselves in a unique experience of joy and travail. This experience makes you become God's own smile upon the newborn child, the one who guides your child's first steps, who helps it to grow, and who is the anchor as the child makes its way along the journey of life.” I mean….swoon!
While I always wanted to get married and have children, I was more career focused while growing up. I never imagined that I would be a work-from-home mother. In elementary school, I wanted to be a “baby nurse” and take care of all the babies that were delivered at the hospital.
Thankfully, my focus changed, as I can’t stomach the sight of someone in pain (#empathproblems.) Then, in middle and high school, I decided on journalism. I wanted to move to San Francisco (I watched TOO many episodes of Full House growing up) and become an investigative reporter.
Yes, it seems insane at times. Yes, I have to wake up at 5:30 AM every single day (yes, even on weekends) so that I can pray, exercise and get work done. Yes, I have to work in the evenings and on weekends.
But in between to-do lists, deadlines, projects, emails, calls and meetings, I get to be the Captain to my sweet little love’s co-pilot (more like vice-versa) on this awesome (albeit exhausting) adventure.
I wholeheartedly agree with Saint Pope John Paul II when he said that we must give thanksgiving “to the Creator and Redeemer of the world for the gift of this great treasure which is womanhood.” On this day for women, I will be celebrating by giving thanks to God for choosing me to be a woman. And not only a woman, but a wife, daughter and mother. How are you celebrating International Women’s Day or Lady’s Day? Please share with us on Facebook. As always, thank you for reading. God bless you and may the Blessed Virgin Mary be with you always! “May Mary, Queen of Love, watch over women and their mission in service of humanity, of peace, of the spread of God's Kingdom!” ~Saint Pope John Paul II
My Lenten promise for this year is to stop trying to be or make situations perfect. Instead, I vowed to try and look at myself and situations the way that Jesus would. So far, so good.
It has been difficult on occasion to give up my perfectionist ways, but ad majorem Dei gloriam, (To the greater glory of God.) Giving up perfectionism has helped me tremendously. Like right now for instance. I had planned on writing this journal and getting other work done while my son napped. Instead, I am typing these words while simultaneously holding my toddler who is snoozing on me.
Our son has been struggling with sleep since before his second birthday. (He is currently 27 months.)
Really, he has never been a great sleeper and the only thing that has helped was sleep training: (SLIP/CIO (cry it out), remember this is a judgement free zone, you do you.) He has streaks of glorious, lengthy, independent sleep. Then BAM, back to screaming, wailing and charging around his crib like a solider ready for battle. About half hour into his nap yesterday, he woke up ANGRY. Screaming bloody murder and calling everyone in the house to come get him. He even screams for the dog who starts to shake and cower in the corner and then the cat who takes off and hides somewhere quieter. We try to wait a couple (torturous) minutes before going in hopes that he might go back to sleep. Over the monitor we could hear him screaming, “No! No! No! Open! Open!” (meaning no nap, open the door!) I prayed Hail Mary after Hail Mary, yet he still screamed. Today, he went another half hour and the screaming began. So, I improvised. Yes, I would much rather have had him sleep so that he would be less cranky and so that I could get some work done. But snuggling him while I write this journal is nice and a moment I will hold onto when he is a crankier teenager that doesn’t necessarily want his momma. (I’m almost crying thinking of this.)
Progress not Perfection
Within my Lenten resolution to give up perfection, I have quickly realized that in order to succeed, I must also give up the perfection of giving up perfection. I will make mistakes along the way and slip up, but this Lenten resolution just requires me to dust myself off and try again. “Have patience with all things but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being. You are perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exist. And no amount of triumphs or tribulations can ever change that.” ~Saint Frances de Sales The easiest thing for me to stop being perfect about is exercise. Before, I would really get down on myself if I didn’t exercise, as fitness greatly helps my anxiety. Now I realize that while the endorphins that are exerted during exercise are beneficial, missing out on a few workouts won’t cause my anxiety to rear its ugly head. What will induce anxiety is to stress myself out about not exercising. So, on days where I can’t get a good workout session in, I have gone for a walk with our son, danced around with him or just didn’t exercise at all, called it a wash and didn’t give it a second thought.
The hardest thing for me to stop being perfect about is my work. I love to work and I love my “job.” I’ve always loved to work and especially now that I am doing something that I am very passionate about. It is very difficult for me not to give 100% and more, specifically, to not finish everything on my to-do list.
During this Lenten season, I have realized that I have unknowingly tied part of my self-worth directly to my work. My mother, husband and I founded a nonprofit (see here) almost eight years ago in memory of my grandfather who passed away from esophageal cancer. Perhaps that is why I have such a hard time not giving perfection at work. The odds are very poor for those diagnosed with esophageal cancer and the factors concerning this horrific cancer are dire, urgent and stress inducing. The charity has the potential to save lives (something I know we have done) and I frequently feel like I’m working against the clock. Also, since making this Lenten promise I have surmised that my perfection at work comes from knowing that since I can’t bring my grandfather back, I can at least keep his memory (and since then, the memory of so many others) alive through the charity. But I bet that my grandfather (and everyone else) would not mind it if I don’t finish everything off of my to-do list every single day. In fact, I’m sure my grandfather is happy to see me stop work in the evening to instead go downstairs with my family and dance with my son. It was my grandfather who would hold me as a little girl, cheek to cheek and dance around the living room. My grandfather’s (and everyone else’s) legacy and love are not measured by how much work I do in a day or even how much we can accomplish through the charity. It is measured by the love that I put into each bit of work that I perform - whether it is perfect or not. My Lenten promise has reminded me that it is Love that never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:8. How is your Lenten promise going? Please share with us on Facebook. As always, thank you for reading. God bless you and may the Blessed Virgin Mary be with you always! I have rarely ever succeeded in carrying through my Lenten promises of giving something up. Give up social media? Failed. Give up gossiping? Failed. (Don’t worry, I’m really working on that one and drag myself to confession when I do gossip.) Give up chocolate? HA! Give up sweets? Not more than a week.
Since I have a proven track record of not being able to stick to my promises (I’m sorry, Jesus, I really am), I have decided this year that instead of trying to strengthen my willpower on some things (like chocolate or sweets) that won’t really make me a better person, I will instead work on giving up perfection. (I know, giving up gossiping will make me a better person, but I need to give up perfection even more.) I am a self-proclaimed “type-A” person. While I don’t think that I will ever be able to change the fact that I am type-A, I will use this Lenten season as a time to force myself to relax a little on some of those tendencies. For me, when I think of the fact that I am type-A, it goes beyond list-making, planning, preparing and multi-tasking. My “type-A-ness” comes from wanting to have control over some aspects of my life. I’m sure that it also stems from my anxiety and having that control helps to regulate the anxiety. However, being type-A, for me at least, means that I am trying to be perfect. But, I’m human, I am not perfect. Jesus Christ was and is perfect. But, he doesn’t expect me to be. So my Lenten promise for this year is to stop trying to be or make situations perfect. Instead, I am going to try and look at myself and situations the way that Jesus would. I’m going to stop the…. Perfection of always keeping the house clean at all times. Perfection of always getting my work done way in advance. Perfection of always feeding my son only the healthiest and most wholesome foods. Perfection of always doing the laundry and putting it away immediately. Perfection of always feeling like I can do more Perfection of always feeling that I am not enough. Perfection of always putting everything else before enjoyment. Perfection of anything that doesn’t have to be done or thought about or worried about in that moment. How Do I Plan On Giving Up Perfection So that I don’t fail before I begin, I’ve decided not to plan too much for this. Besides checking out the book “Grace, Not Perfection” by Emily Ley from the library, I don’t have a plan. It’s foreign to me since I literally have an excel spreadsheet dedicated to plans and lists for both work and personal tasks. But to be honest, it feels good. I almost feel like I can do this. No, I know I can do this. I can give up perfection for the things that don’t matter to benefit the people and things that do. What is your Lenten promise for this season? Please share with us on Facebook. As always, thank you for reading. God bless you and may the Blessed Virgin Mary be with you always! *Please note that the title of this journal should be sung like the Britney song. **Please also note that anyone considering fasting should consult with a healthcare provider prior to fasting. This journal and any information found on this website is for educational purposes only and should not substitute professional medical advice “Through fasting and praying, we allow Him to come and satisfy the deepest hunger that we experience in the depths of our being: the hunger and thirst for God.” Pope Benedict XVI While fasting is one “means of self-discipline” by “the restraining of the appetites”, it is also something that I have always tried to do but ultimately failed. With Lent approaching, I know that Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are obligatory days of fasting and abstinence for most Catholics. I also know that Almsgiving, Prayer, and Fasting are known as the "Three Pillars of Lent." Lastly, I know that sin began with eating (Genesis 2:17) when Adam and Eve went against God’s orders not to eat the fruit from one tree. Seriously, guys. Apples? I mean, a chocolate tree, I might be able to understand. (Kidding, of course.) But apples? No. I digress… For the life of me, I have never been able to successfully fast. When I learned I was pregnant, aside from the inexpressible joy of having a child, I was excited that I wouldn't be expected to fast for at least 9 months and longer when breastfeeding. When I wasn't growing a human inside of me or producing milk for him and I tried to fast, I would either get a migraine, a panic attack, a severe stomach ache, light headed to the point of fainting, nauseous or a combination of some or all of the above. Recently, I saw an Instagram post by OneHailMaryAtATime (follow her, if you don’t already!) about her experience with a 48 hour fast. Based on my past failures with fasting, I was intrigued and pounced on her website the moment I learned she had posted her experiences with her fast. The most valuable piece of advice for me that I learned from her experience is that when fasting, it is imperative to keep super hydrated. Looking back, I definitely did not implement this and can see why it would lead to the sick effects. Apparently, we get a lot of our water from food and when you aren’t eating, your body requires you to supplement the loss of water from food with, well…water (and other things.) How Did I Accidentally Fast? It is actually my son’s doing. First, you see, if I never had my son then I would have never been a mom, I would have never founded Catholic Mom Rhode Island, I would have never followed OneHailMaryAtATime on Instagram, I would have never seen her post and I would have never read her blog. Second, my son asked me and my husband if we could have pizza and watch a movie. Mind you, we did this ONCE in his two years of life and, apparently, he really loved it. I mean, who wouldn’t? My heart swelled at his initial request, as it affirmed that he truly is our son. Before having our son, my husband and I used to love our date-nights in where we would watch a movie, eat pizza and relax. Our little love asked us on Wednesday and we assured him that on Sunday, we would order a pizza and watch a movie. I thought he would forget by Sunday, but his steel-trap mind reminded us each day until Sunday evening. When the pizza was delivered, his delightful squealing of “pee-uh” (pizza) and “mooy” (movie) was hysterical. What was even more hysterical was my son staring down the pizza delivery man, perhaps thinking that he wouldn’t be giving us our food. I’m just glad he didn’t tackle the poor guy as my husband paid for our food. For the most part, we try to eat very healthy. I try to avoid gluten as much as possible and limit dairy (☹) as it seems to wreak havoc on my body. While I have never been formally diagnosed with any food sensitivities, over the years, I have realized which foods bother me more than others. My excitement that our son loves pizza movie night as much as we do, plus the fact that I am sick of cooking each night, plus the fact that I was exhausted come Sunday evening equaled that I ate too much dairy and way too much gluten. My stomach hurt within minutes of finishing my meal and I felt awfully sick until the next morning. Have You Ever Been So Sick You’re Afraid to Eat? That is exactly what happened to me. After how my stomach felt all night, I was petrified to eat. I woke up extremely thirsty and drank my entire water bottle. With my stomach feeling a bit better, I even worked out in the morning, which I normally do on an empty stomach, but then didn’t eat anything after. Come breakfast time, I still didn’t feel any hunger, even while cutting up my son’s waffle, which is one of my favorites. Instead, I drank more water and my son and I went on with our morning. Around 9:00 AM, I realized that I hadn’t eaten in 16 hours. I was amazed. I had been drinking water all morning, more so than usual, but hadn’t felt hungry. I decided then that I would continue my fast and see how long I could go or at least 24 hours. I remembered reading in OneHailMaryAtATime’s blog that in her fast, she had as much water, coffee, tea, kombucha and bone broth as she wanted. I had made some bone broth a couple of weeks prior and just stocked up on kombucha, so I felt empowered. For the rest of the day, I did just what she did (except coffee - I can’t handle coffee on a regular day, let alone during fasting) and had bone broth, kombucha and LOTS of water. Once lunchtime came around, I was hungry, especially while cutting up my son’s chicken and adding honey mustard to the plate. Instead of sneaking a piece in, I just drank some bone broth and ignored my craving. For the rest of the day, whenever I was hungry, I just drank water. If the hunger didn’t subside, I drank some kombucha. The hardest part of my fast was during his naptime. During his nap, I always eat some veggies with hummus while I work. During his nap today, I was very hungry and really missing the veggies. Veggies, weird I know, but I think it was more out of habit than anything else. Water and kombucha to the rescue. St. Francis de Sales May Not Approve of my Fast “We must fast with our whole heart, that is to say, willingly, whole-heartedly, universally and entirely.” I didn’t start out with my fast with my whole heart. I did it by accident. But I did continue this fast whole-heartedly, universally and entirely. So, my vote (and I pray that St. Francis de Sales agrees) is that this fast COUNTS! What is more exciting is that I think I could fast again. Maybe not each week and certainly not when I am super stressed, but I feel empowered to fast again on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, at least. Overall Feelings and Tips for Next Time This time, my fast went extremely well and I made it 24 hours! For the most part, I felt really good. While I occasionally felt hunger, I did not experience any of the horrible side effects that I felt in my past fasting attempts. While working, I even felt more focused and had more energy. Next time, I will be more prepared mentally and set intentions along with my fast. I pray that my next fast is not because I was sick from eating foods that don’t agree with me, but that I am fasting for more important reasons, like for my purification and salvation through Jesus Christ. Do you have any tips for fasting? Please share with us on Facebook. As always, thank you for reading. God bless you and may the Blessed Virgin Mary be with you always! Source: Merz, Rev. Daniel . “A Reflection on Lenten Fasting”, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. www.usccb.org/prayer-and-worship/liturgical-year/lent/catholic-reflection-on-lenten-fasting-father-daniel-merz.cfm
This year, 2018, Ash Wednesday is on February 14th, which is also the Feast Day of Saint Valentine. In secular society, it is known as Valentine’s Day.
I saw a meme online indicating that “Ash Wednesday falls on Valentine’s Day” and that fact, along with the fact that “Easter falls on April Fool’s Day” makes it a “weird” year for Catholics. To that I say: Ash Wednesday is greater than Valentine’s Day. Easter is MOST DEFINITELY greater than April Fool’s Day. And… It is not a “weird” year for Catholics. It is an awesome year for Catholics. Why is it an Awesome Year for Catholics? For this journal’s sake, I will focus on Ash Wednesday and St. Valentine’s Day. In Part II of this journal I will tackle Easter, which falls on April Fool’s Day, which also happens to be my “dateaversary” with my husband. Ash Wednesday is greater than Valentine’s Day. The commercialized, secular Valentine’s Day. Not the Saint Valentine who was executed for defending his Christian faith, St. Valentine Day. To Catholics, February 14th is usually St. Valentine’s Feast Day. I’ve wondered how many people who celebrate secular Valentine’s Day know that this “holiday” actually stems from a real person, Saint Valentine, being murdered in February, what is now considered Valentine’s Day? I know that sounds a bit morbid, but if you are to celebrate a holiday, shouldn’t you understand the history behind it? You can read more about Saint Valentine’s history here. In short, as I mentioned above, Saint Valentine refused to renounce his Christian faith and for that, he was executed. I think that it is perfect that Ash Wednesday and the Feast Day of Saint Valentine fall on the same day this year. But, of course, Ash Wednesday trumps Saint Valentine. But, Saint Valentine would have wanted it that anyway. I believe that Saint Valentine would be less than thrilled that his Feast Day has been distorted into a secular holiday where people buy each other cards and gifts, many feeling obligated to do so and others feel left out if they are not in a relationship or have someone to celebrate the day with. Some would argue that Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love. But celebrating love doesn’t only mean purchasing a $6 card in the store. Love is something that should be celebrated every single day and in each moment. Even the moments we don’t feel love. Love is love even when we don’t even want to love. As Mother Angelica stated, “Love is not a feeling; it’s a decision.” Love even when your husband left his socks outside of the hamper for the millionth time. Love even when your wife forgets to turn off the light in the bathroom at night for the millionth time. Life is short but love doesn’t have to be. Because, as Saint Theresa of Calcutta stated, “at the end of life, we are going to be judged on the basis of our love for one another.” Ash Wednesday is the perfect reminder of that. “Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.” I believe that Saint Valentine would be honored to give up his Feast Day for one of the holiest days of the year. Ash Wednesday opens Lent, which is a season of fasting and prayer and leads up to Easter, when we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. What better love story is there than the love Jesus Christ has for all of us? On Ash Wednesday, we receive ashes on our foreheads. Not only do the ashes “symbolize penance and contrition,” they also remind us that our “God is gracious and merciful to those who call on Him with repentant hearts.” This Ash Wednesday, I will remember how much God loves me and you. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him will not be condemned, but whoever does not believe has already been condemned, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.” (John 3:16-18) As always, thank you for reading. God bless you and may the Blessed Virgin Mary be with you always! Please connect with us on Facebook. I used to get really upset when my son would wake up early from his naps.
During his nap-time I get a lot of work done and I mean a lot. I try to work as efficiently as possible during his nap so that I don't have to cut into family time in the evening or stay up too late and miss out on quality time with my husband at night before we both pass out after watching two minutes of television. I already wake up very early to pray, exercise, shower and work so I heavily rely on these naps. So when he wakes up earlier than usual, it's very stressful and I know it means I'll have to work that night. The aggravation from the shortened naps may also be me still reeling from the fact that our son was not a good sleeper until he was well over a year old. In fact, it was around this time last year that we finally started to sleep train him. Before that I would do what I'm doing now: lay on our bed with him sleeping on me as I try to get as much work done from my phone as possible. Except today he's much bigger, over 30 pounds of solid toddler and I've searched how much weight ones sternum and ribs can take until they break as I struggle to breathe. As with all things, God gave me some gentle reminders that time is fleeting and children aren't young for long. Today, as I felt a wave of annoyance as I heard his first cry for "mama" over the monitor, God reminded me that there will be a day, not too far off in the distance when my son and I will be separated. He won't be by my side all the time. If he's upset I won't be able to calm him; if he's sad I won't be able to cheer him up; if he's nervous I won't be able to reassure him. One-day I won't be able to provide these immediate reliefs to his needs. One-day he won't be a little boy. One-day he won't be in the next room. God also gently reminded me of what a blessing it is for me to be able to work from home and care for him. So many other parents are separated from their children and have to work outside the home. God made me very much aware of all these things today as I begrudgingly ran into his room to retrieve him from what I believe to be a nightmare. So while it may be stressful and upsetting that my little love didn't sleep for his nap so that I can work, it's temporary. I know that one day I will wish these moments back. So for now, I will hold my sweet, precious, miracle boy so that he can sleep, I will finish writing this journal and just enjoy this sweet and fleeting moment. Thank you, God for the reminder and this wonderful, beautiful child. |
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