I used to get really upset when my son would wake up early from his naps.
During his nap-time I get a lot of work done and I mean a lot. I try to work as efficiently as possible during his nap so that I don't have to cut into family time in the evening or stay up too late and miss out on quality time with my husband at night before we both pass out after watching two minutes of television. I already wake up very early to pray, exercise, shower and work so I heavily rely on these naps. So when he wakes up earlier than usual, it's very stressful and I know it means I'll have to work that night. The aggravation from the shortened naps may also be me still reeling from the fact that our son was not a good sleeper until he was well over a year old. In fact, it was around this time last year that we finally started to sleep train him. Before that I would do what I'm doing now: lay on our bed with him sleeping on me as I try to get as much work done from my phone as possible. Except today he's much bigger, over 30 pounds of solid toddler and I've searched how much weight ones sternum and ribs can take until they break as I struggle to breathe. As with all things, God gave me some gentle reminders that time is fleeting and children aren't young for long. Today, as I felt a wave of annoyance as I heard his first cry for "mama" over the monitor, God reminded me that there will be a day, not too far off in the distance when my son and I will be separated. He won't be by my side all the time. If he's upset I won't be able to calm him; if he's sad I won't be able to cheer him up; if he's nervous I won't be able to reassure him. One-day I won't be able to provide these immediate reliefs to his needs. One-day he won't be a little boy. One-day he won't be in the next room. God also gently reminded me of what a blessing it is for me to be able to work from home and care for him. So many other parents are separated from their children and have to work outside the home. God made me very much aware of all these things today as I begrudgingly ran into his room to retrieve him from what I believe to be a nightmare. So while it may be stressful and upsetting that my little love didn't sleep for his nap so that I can work, it's temporary. I know that one day I will wish these moments back. So for now, I will hold my sweet, precious, miracle boy so that he can sleep, I will finish writing this journal and just enjoy this sweet and fleeting moment. Thank you, God for the reminder and this wonderful, beautiful child.
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October 2020
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